Dreams?

Hey there folks,

How ya doin'? I hope you're OK. Today I wanted to dump my mind about dreams.

For the longest time I had a few main dreams/goals in life, but the thing is, I allowed it to completely depend on another party... which is A HUGE ERROR. I had a few personal dreams that were kinda stolen from me and didn't even achieve them because I felt I didn't need them as another party already achieved them... those dreams I had since I was 14. Then I allowed my life plan to be dependant and controlled again by another party. All in all I've been so dependant, so influenced and so gaslighted that I didn't even feel I was gonna be able to achieve any of my dreams by myself, (and the BPD monster still brings it up).

I want to change that. I still lack on motivation, I still don't know what I wanna do with my life... but there's still some dreams that many people have tried and make me believe were impossible or that they were gonna provide them for me... and those, I still wanna achieve. It will be harder, for sure, and most times I think I won't ever be able to get to them... but I wanna be my own fucking person.

(via: youranxietyguru)

This year I'll be 30. It kinda tortures me as I'm alone, with no job and no savings, living back with my parents and going loads to therapy, so I really feel more like an ameba than anything... and even though I used to feel like said ameba all these past 5 years, it feels different, I'm not so devastated, and I think that is a lot.

What I wanna say is, don't allow anyone to tell you your dreams are not valid or important, don't allow anyone to take the motivation off you by achieving your own dreams, if they go for them as if they were theirs since childhood... let them live with their lack of personality, and do what you've always wanted to do.

BE YOU. WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

♥

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