When nothing is enough

There's people that don't know how to say no. There's people that can't accept a no. There's people that will try to put you down their whole life, whilst just reflecting their own issues...

Life is shitty, and life is amazing, and life is a mess and life is... life. All my life I've gone through so much shit without realizing. I've endured and tolerated SO MUCH I shouldn't have. I've blocked emotions, I've build a wall of protection, I've given it all when I felt I was safe... and let the walls down when I shouldn't. Now my mind is so confused, trying to deal with so much, a complete change in what I thought my life was gonna be.

I feel lost. I still feel lost after so many years coping with my mental health, and even though I'm still not ready to get a job or going back to studying... I'm so much better than I was a few years back whilst in toxic relationships. I'm, for once in a decade, SURVIVING and improving my physical and mental health, even if from the outside doesn't look like "enough", I'm fucking sick of that, what the fuck is fucking "enough" supposed to look like? eh? Getting up is already a success, brushing my teeth every day? SUCCESS, doing yoga and meditating? SUCCESS, socializing again and meeting new people? SUCCESS, going to therapy to overcome my problems and learn to deal better with my emotions? FUCKING BIG SUCCESS... those things are enough for me to see I'm growing. Yet, at the same time I feel like a failure, like I don't matter, like I won't achieve anything in life, all cuz I allowed my confidence, well-being and self-worth to be affected by toxic people who wanted to feel superior and in control.

(via: r.h. Sin)

I'm not gonna lie, I'm still pretty messed up, and have anger and reactivity issues, but I've improved so fucking much already, that I need to at least document that I am improving, that I am moving on, that... I'm finally free and allowed to be my own person, with encouragement by my side.

♥