On a high

This week I had my first mood high since November 2016. I know it's odd I can even recall when was my last high, but it was so significant, it was impossible to have a next one whilst on a toxic relationship. 

This week I felt again the high in emotions, in mood, in happiness. This happens a lot with BPD. We live in a rollercoaster of emotions, the highs are usually closer together in most cases tho XD I felt like I needed no medication, like I needed no therapy or at least LESS, I felt I was on top of the world.

Now I'm on the crashing side, and boy oh boy it sucks, I'm again going towards the low in the rollercoaster where everything is irritating, 0 amusing and hostile. I'm tired, I feel like shit, and I just wanna cease to exist for a few hours, just to feel the calmness I should.

(Via: TessaViolet)

I feel weird, and odd, and lately I've been craving romantic intimacy so frikkin much... I'm scared AF to be in a relationship ever again, like, for reals, I don't wanna be manipulated and taken advantage of as I've been before in more than one relationship. I'm craving romantic intimacy, but I need to be in a better mental space before I think it's good for me. My self-esteem is still on the low, and the thing is, I need to feel good by myself, not look for a happiness band-aid to later on end up destroyed again.

♥